i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
