How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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