so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
