Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
