So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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