apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
