exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
