The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
