that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
