Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
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