I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
