Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
