So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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