no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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