apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
love makes seman taste better
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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