Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
