A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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