sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
