He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
