on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
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