you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
