take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
