There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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