Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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