I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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