do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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