Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
