Your mouth is God's brothel.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
did i just pee glitter
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
