I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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