well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
