I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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