What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think I am morally bankrupt
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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