should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
