4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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