oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
