I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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