To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
