Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
