I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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