It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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