so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
