So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
