Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
