he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
