New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Randomize
