oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
