Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
