I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
