Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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