god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
